Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
