i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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