i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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