I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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