she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
