we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
