So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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