so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
