Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
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i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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