That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
whose parrot is this?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
