oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
