i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
