Sry I called you an 8
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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