And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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