I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
