Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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