i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
