Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
