is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
