Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
