Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Randomize
