OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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