her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
