highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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