I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
