My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
