my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Holy shit dude........stairs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
