Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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