people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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