I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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