if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
