i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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