If i come over, it means nothing
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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