So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
