i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
