You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
