I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
