is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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