508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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