Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
