i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
