Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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