Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
