there's paper in my vomit.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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