You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
