we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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