think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
