Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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