Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
