I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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