he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
