I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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