I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
